I just came back from the MCLA Championships and am getting ready for the NCAA Men's Lacrosse Championships... and it makes me wonder: when will lacrosse start bringing out the big guns to these games? Like bands, cheerleaders and mascots running around? Then that got me thinking about how many different college mascots there are throughout the country. And more importantly how some mascots are really badass, some look like the result of a kindergarten project, and some just beg the question, ' What the hell was the Athletic Director thinking?' I know, it's an odd series of thoughts... but hey, I've never been checked for ADD. So whatever. Here's the 11 weirdest college mascots, from classics to hilarious to WTF?!
11. The Stanford Tree | Stanford University, CA
According to Stanford, this isn't their official mascot. But c'mon, Stanford. Just embrace this ugly tree, and make it the official mascot already. I mean this thing is terrible. And I say thing, because it looks like Stanford hosted an arts and crafts day for the local kindergartners and this is what they came up with. The floppy lips is what really does it for me. At least the babes like his sappy musk. Do your thang tree.
10. WuShock | Wichita State University, KS
WuShock the Shocker, huh? Well, shocker is a hilarious name for other reasons. But in this case, a Shocker is someone who harvests wheat. Really?? Man that's weak. Even the students, don't know what the hell he is... they just waive the shocker sign in the air hoping it makes up for having a 6 foot shock of wheat running around.
9. The Troll | Trinity Christian College, IL
I'm thinking that Trinity was having a serious creative block when trying to think of a good mascot. So their last ditch effort must have been directed towards children's books in hopes for some spark of inspiration. This fugly thing looks like what you would see if you were to watch Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on a ton of acid. Out of all the mascots in this article, The Troll isn't the weirdest, but is most definitely the trippiest.
8. Sammy the Slug | UC Santa Cruz, CA
There's not much to say about Sammy except for; why have a slimy, nasty, yellow banana slug represent your school? There's nothing cool or intimidating about Sammy. In fact he sort of reminds me of the aliens from Toy Story. Yeah, not terrifying. And, have you ever seen a banana slug in real life? They're repulsive. Although I do know someone who ate one for a bet.
7. Artie the Artichoke | Scottsdale Community College, AZ
Alright moving on. Now we're getting to the veggies. I'm not totally sure why you'd pick a vegetable as your school mascot. Especially an artichoke... that looks stoned. And what's up with Cal Choke, written across the leaf he's creepily holding onto? Although, I will admit, the quality of Artie's costume is definitely movie quality.
6. The Fighting Pickle | University of North Carolina School of the Arts, NC
You might ask yourself, 'If there was a way to make a badass veggy mascot, what would it be?' Bingo. Put the words fighting in front of it. That'll for sure be an instant classic. And who doesn't like pickles?... dressed like Zoro?... wearing a weird piano tutu? Yeeeaaah, I don't think fighting really does anything for this pickle.
5. Mr. Okra the Fighting Okra | Delta State University, MS
Alright, we made it to the top 5, and thank god Delta State didn't decide to use the term fighting, and make their mascot look like Tinkerbell. Mr. Okra looks mean. He's got the sparring gloves on, holding a baby alligator, and is ready to pound you with his over sized schnoz. Forget the fact that okra is also referred to as ladies' fingers, Mr. Okra means business when you step foot on Delta State soil.
4. Keggy the Keg | Dartmouth College, NH
This one is straight up awesome. It's another unofficial mascot, but not if you ask the student body. Let's be honest here too, a keg makes perfect sense for a college mascot. Keggy, you're the man. We all love you. Side note, the girl holding the We Long For Pong sign looks 15... and I'm pretty sure she's not wearing pants.
3. Gaylord the Camel | Campbell University, NC
Let's kick off top 3 with Gaylord the Camel. An odd animal choice, but not that odd. I get it... Campbell Camels flows quite nicely. But why the hell name him Gaylord? GAYLORD?? You had a nice thing going there with all the 'Cs', why stop? How about Cam, or Carl, or Cal? Nope, it's gonna be Gaylord, dammit.
2. Speedy The Geoduck | Evergreen State College, WA
I love this one. First of all, geoducks (pronounced ' gooey-duck') are super weird. It's basically a clam that got elephantiasis. But what's funny about Evergreen State's mascot, is that the outfit looks nothing like an actual geoduck. Speedy looks more like a pickle taco. Maybe he and The Fighting Pickle are buds. God, those things are nasty looking.
1. Scrotie the Scrotum | Rhode Island School of Design, RI
Now last, but CERTAINLY not least. We present you with Scrotie the Scrotum. Leave it up to an artsy school to pull something like this off. The best part... Rhode Island School of Design has sports teams, and yes, they have ridiculous names too. The Basketball team is called The BALLS, the Women's soccer team is called the JUGS, and the hockey team is called the NADS ( source). The better part... the cheerleaders refer to themselves as the Jockstraps, because they support the BALLS, JUGS, and NADS. No lie. I wish I went there, just to own a sweatshirt that says SCROTUMS across the chest.
Now you can waste more time and watch this video of mascot fails.